We'd recently gone on a family trip for the mundan ceremony of my nephew...and the best part was that my grandparents (naana naani, from the earlier marriage post :-)) coincidentally decided to visit us ard the same time. And were with us for the trip.
There's something that only the elders can bring. Stories from a long time back, reasons behind our quaint-seeming rituals, news of far flung relatives, family histories...and of course their own brand of impatience with our new fangled concepts :).
But what was most special was being able to hear my naana recite the Guru Granth Saheb. Naana is blessed with a spectacular voice - and he is apparently a much cherished reader in their small community. Mom tells us that in the annual festival of the family saint (that happens in december) hundreds would gather to hear the sacred verses, and he would manage to read out to all of them without a mike! Had so far never managed to hear him because we'd never go visiting in December. This trip, after the mundan, we took my nephew to the tikaana for blessings. After that was done, naana asked us to sit around the sacred book, and he recited some verses for us. I was all agog...and I must confess I was savouring the moment more than the verses. Am unfortunately old enough to realise how valuable this moment was...I just let his voice wash over me. Am sure I will always be able to summon it...
And this, is why I so strongly believe that the best things in life are free. You just have to know when to open your arms and grab them!
Saturday, October 27, 2007
The next time someone tells me I look tired...
People probably do it with a good intention, but there's only so many times you can take someone telling you "Gosh, babe, you look washed out" or ""What happened to your voice!! You sound so dull" or worse "You must be the busiest person here - you look like hell". Thanks. But no thanks, really.
Of course, the best is when I get told this on days when I feel fresh and relaxed!!! Predictably all this has driven me to the mirror...but the kohl in my eyes only seems to make the dark circles more prominent :-(. Looks like I've frozen on a default interface.
So here's what I'm going to do the next time someone remarks on the deep pits around my eyes. This is a gag I saw in the trailer for one of the new Start World shows. Two men sitting at a bar, and one of them has *really* prominent dark circles. The other asks him, hey, are you having sleepless nights or something? And the guy responds "Oh no, my dad is a panda."
:-). Don't know if his context was the same, but I sure think this is my last resort. Sorry Dad, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!!
Of course, the best is when I get told this on days when I feel fresh and relaxed!!! Predictably all this has driven me to the mirror...but the kohl in my eyes only seems to make the dark circles more prominent :-(. Looks like I've frozen on a default interface.
So here's what I'm going to do the next time someone remarks on the deep pits around my eyes. This is a gag I saw in the trailer for one of the new Start World shows. Two men sitting at a bar, and one of them has *really* prominent dark circles. The other asks him, hey, are you having sleepless nights or something? And the guy responds "Oh no, my dad is a panda."
:-). Don't know if his context was the same, but I sure think this is my last resort. Sorry Dad, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!!
Saturday, September 8, 2007
This is how my grandparents got married...
There is a very sweet and simple story behind how my maternal grandparents were married.
These of course, were the days when all Sindhis still lived in Sindh. My naani's elder uncle (tauji) had called my (then prospetive) 18-year old nanaji to meet him. It is important to note that the meeting was out in a deserted area next to their village temple (tikaana). Tauji asked him only one question, almost conversationally, "In what direction is the wind blowing today?". I, of course, don't know how my nanaji felt. He just bent down, picked up the lose sand in his hand, and let it whittle down slowly. Having observed the flow of the sand closely, he responded. Pleased by the display of a thinking mind, tauji agreed to the match.
There's much to learn from this simple incident, isn't there? When I heard it first, I was already married, and had already been through the detailed evaluation of family background, education qualification, salary slips, et al. But are any of these as determinant, or as useful in times of trouble as a working mind?
Of course there were also other unkind thoughts in my mind about our generation of "knowers" (as against "thinkers", or "figure outers", to stretch the language a bit), and how any of us at 18 would have reacted to a question like this.
How would you have?
These of course, were the days when all Sindhis still lived in Sindh. My naani's elder uncle (tauji) had called my (then prospetive) 18-year old nanaji to meet him. It is important to note that the meeting was out in a deserted area next to their village temple (tikaana). Tauji asked him only one question, almost conversationally, "In what direction is the wind blowing today?". I, of course, don't know how my nanaji felt. He just bent down, picked up the lose sand in his hand, and let it whittle down slowly. Having observed the flow of the sand closely, he responded. Pleased by the display of a thinking mind, tauji agreed to the match.
There's much to learn from this simple incident, isn't there? When I heard it first, I was already married, and had already been through the detailed evaluation of family background, education qualification, salary slips, et al. But are any of these as determinant, or as useful in times of trouble as a working mind?
Of course there were also other unkind thoughts in my mind about our generation of "knowers" (as against "thinkers", or "figure outers", to stretch the language a bit), and how any of us at 18 would have reacted to a question like this.
How would you have?
Thursday, June 7, 2007
My latest lesson in comunication
One of the recent training programmes that I attended thorugh my office covered a lovely module on "objective communication". The lesson is as follows:
- Every communication has an objective. But not all of us make the effort to be absolutely sure what that objective is!
- While communicating, some of us are bothered about the results, and some of us are bothered about being liked. (I know this is true- I sadly fell under the second category until I understood this!!)
- The ideal communicator thinks non-personally and is solution oriented
This, if you mull over it enough, can actually be a dictat for life too. Do you see how??
- Every communication has an objective. But not all of us make the effort to be absolutely sure what that objective is!
- While communicating, some of us are bothered about the results, and some of us are bothered about being liked. (I know this is true- I sadly fell under the second category until I understood this!!)
- The ideal communicator thinks non-personally and is solution oriented
This, if you mull over it enough, can actually be a dictat for life too. Do you see how??
Blind spots...
One of the things I have learnt as part of my growing up, is that we adults see far less than children. We acquire blind spots that conveniently glaze over those aspects of life that we do not agree with, or cannot handle. Blind faith, denial and fear form the formidable filter of our psyche, making us see security where perhaps there is only ennui, making us see the dullness of routine, where perhaps indifference (and even hatred!) has set in.
The few moments at night, before sleep smothers us, we sometimes find the blind spots unravelling. We begin to see glimmers of the truth, of the hopelessness of the compromises we have made. We begin to remember all the silly promises we'd made to ourselves as young people - truth, self respect...all promises of how we would continue to feel inside. Faint stirrings of a resolve just before we turn in - I will try and make tomorrow different. I will square up my situation, make what changes I can. Will not continue one more day with this blind spot...
But yet, we do. Much easier that way.
The few moments at night, before sleep smothers us, we sometimes find the blind spots unravelling. We begin to see glimmers of the truth, of the hopelessness of the compromises we have made. We begin to remember all the silly promises we'd made to ourselves as young people - truth, self respect...all promises of how we would continue to feel inside. Faint stirrings of a resolve just before we turn in - I will try and make tomorrow different. I will square up my situation, make what changes I can. Will not continue one more day with this blind spot...
But yet, we do. Much easier that way.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Re-living memories...is it fair?
Sometimes an old song, or a whiff of perfume, or a phrase makes a memory come alive...and we take a long, deep wallow in it. Things return to that state of time - our mind, our relationships, our commitments, all take a leap back in time. Briefly, I agree, but there it is. Memories, I have found, are potent. They can play our emotions like a harp...make us re-live our first heart break, our first ecstacy with great fidelity. And then, in time, we start tapping in to our memories like a favorite DVD collection. Calling on to happy, content moments in the past when the present doesn't seem to live up. And this, is what I have been thinking about. Is it really fair?
You know what the wise ones say right…memory shows selective pictures. We choose to remember what we want, abstracting only the good out of a perfectly normal and as-shitty-as-today situation. Remembering the romance from a relationship that had the usual share of tensions, remembering the freedom of a childhood that was equally frazzled with bewilderment, remembering the strength of a youth that probably had more than its fair share of mistakes. We command only the favorite pictures out of the album of our lives…and then, leave the present for a deep escapist dip.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact of being old enough to have memories now. But I do also get wary of using them as a cop out…or an unfair comparison to the present when things aren’t too good.
This was brought home to me on coming to know about a friend who seems to have blurred the lines between the past and the present. Jeopardizing her current marriage of six years for a friend whom she’d willingly chosen to let go of earlier. Why? I really struggled for an answer… Why, when she had decided consciously to marry another, is she going back to him? Out of boredom? Is it because the routine, responsible life of the present does not compare well with the constant “hanging out” of the college days? It may sound trivial, but I’ve known ennui to be a dangerous state…
But then again, I think, what of lives where the present really does not compare well with the past?
In either case, maybe, the question is of disillusioning ourselves; of letting go of our present, letting go of conscious, active, living. Deriving momentary pleasure or succor from the good times is okay, I guess, but make sure you check out before the time zone changes…
You know what the wise ones say right…memory shows selective pictures. We choose to remember what we want, abstracting only the good out of a perfectly normal and as-shitty-as-today situation. Remembering the romance from a relationship that had the usual share of tensions, remembering the freedom of a childhood that was equally frazzled with bewilderment, remembering the strength of a youth that probably had more than its fair share of mistakes. We command only the favorite pictures out of the album of our lives…and then, leave the present for a deep escapist dip.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact of being old enough to have memories now. But I do also get wary of using them as a cop out…or an unfair comparison to the present when things aren’t too good.
This was brought home to me on coming to know about a friend who seems to have blurred the lines between the past and the present. Jeopardizing her current marriage of six years for a friend whom she’d willingly chosen to let go of earlier. Why? I really struggled for an answer… Why, when she had decided consciously to marry another, is she going back to him? Out of boredom? Is it because the routine, responsible life of the present does not compare well with the constant “hanging out” of the college days? It may sound trivial, but I’ve known ennui to be a dangerous state…
But then again, I think, what of lives where the present really does not compare well with the past?
In either case, maybe, the question is of disillusioning ourselves; of letting go of our present, letting go of conscious, active, living. Deriving momentary pleasure or succor from the good times is okay, I guess, but make sure you check out before the time zone changes…
Strangers in the night...
ek mukhtasar raat, ek mukhtasar baat
do gumnaam ajnabee, aur ek mukhtasar saath...
benaam sa yeh rishtaa...
kuch adhura saa, kuch mukammal bhi
kuch unchhua, kuch haasil bhi
na aagaz, na anjaam
na waada, na wafa
bas, do ajnabee, aur ek mukhtasar raat
do gumnaam ajnabee, aur ek mukhtasar saath...
benaam sa yeh rishtaa...
kuch adhura saa, kuch mukammal bhi
kuch unchhua, kuch haasil bhi
na aagaz, na anjaam
na waada, na wafa
bas, do ajnabee, aur ek mukhtasar raat
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Are we in an Emergency?
For someone who is decidedly uninformed about politics - I don't even read newspapers - it was more with curiosity that I took up to read Kuldeep Nayar's account of the Indian Emergency - the behind the scenes, blow by blow of what really triggered it, who gained, and who lost through it. No wonder the book was banned and he was jailed at the time...
That slim volume hardly enables me to comment knowledgeably about Mrs. Gandhi and the demon she unleashed, but I do remember thinking with a "There, but for the grace of God..." on my lips, that I'm glad like hell to not have been born then. By a weird coincidence I had just before finished reading Rohinton Mistry's "A Fine Balance"*, which tells the haunting tale of two tailors and how the Emergency forever modifies the path of their lives. For the definite worse.
The thought of the mindlessness of large canvas events and how they impact our lives has not left me since. Wars, terrorist attacks, political pogroms...they've only taken innocents while the masterminds move on to the next big game. And since I am essentially an individualist, I'm grappling with it.
I think one can, with applied thought and awareness, learn to manage and balance conflicts that exist within ourselves, and in close relationships. One can make it a point to craft actions around our beliefs - duty, success or love...or nothing. But how does one deal with getting steamrolled? With doing our damnedest best and still being taken unawares by a tide in an ocean that we haven't even heard of...
We're already living in a world focused on taking us away from our internal world...our thougts, actions are all sought to be governed. Newspapers, movies, advertising...all propagating the latest way to live. Is our giving in to this, then, the reason we get swept away? Or would we still be elements of probability no matter what we do? Has the die been cast and have we already given away the key to volition?
No answers yet...don't know if answers would even help. We're already overwhelmed with "secrets of good living"...how will we distinguish!
Good night, and good luck!
*Lovely, lovely book. Took away my sleep with the heartache it caused, but very well-written!
That slim volume hardly enables me to comment knowledgeably about Mrs. Gandhi and the demon she unleashed, but I do remember thinking with a "There, but for the grace of God..." on my lips, that I'm glad like hell to not have been born then. By a weird coincidence I had just before finished reading Rohinton Mistry's "A Fine Balance"*, which tells the haunting tale of two tailors and how the Emergency forever modifies the path of their lives. For the definite worse.
The thought of the mindlessness of large canvas events and how they impact our lives has not left me since. Wars, terrorist attacks, political pogroms...they've only taken innocents while the masterminds move on to the next big game. And since I am essentially an individualist, I'm grappling with it.
I think one can, with applied thought and awareness, learn to manage and balance conflicts that exist within ourselves, and in close relationships. One can make it a point to craft actions around our beliefs - duty, success or love...or nothing. But how does one deal with getting steamrolled? With doing our damnedest best and still being taken unawares by a tide in an ocean that we haven't even heard of...
We're already living in a world focused on taking us away from our internal world...our thougts, actions are all sought to be governed. Newspapers, movies, advertising...all propagating the latest way to live. Is our giving in to this, then, the reason we get swept away? Or would we still be elements of probability no matter what we do? Has the die been cast and have we already given away the key to volition?
No answers yet...don't know if answers would even help. We're already overwhelmed with "secrets of good living"...how will we distinguish!
Good night, and good luck!
*Lovely, lovely book. Took away my sleep with the heartache it caused, but very well-written!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Goodbyes...
Just bid a second farewell to my younger brother...he'd left a year and a half back for further studies, and was back for his first vacation with us. It was still heart rending, but I guess having had him come back once, it is now easier to believe that we will all see him soon.
I guess my biggest fear (before he came back) was about how much things will change. They did....he's certainly matured, but what's great is that nothing's changed in his equation with any of us. It was a lovely, fulfilling reunion.
And I guess there lies my latest lesson. Relationships, I feel, can be of many types - some are created out of habit, some out of situations, and some are relationships of the soul. While the first two types of relationships can change with time and experiences, the third will never change. How many of us have friends like that - you could be meeting after ages, but you can pick up right where you left off.
And therein, I think, lies the secret of giving (and having) space in our relationships. If it is a true bonding of the souls, we won't drift apart. We'll (having been enriched by our learnings and experiences) only enrich the relationship more.
Hmmm....
I guess my biggest fear (before he came back) was about how much things will change. They did....he's certainly matured, but what's great is that nothing's changed in his equation with any of us. It was a lovely, fulfilling reunion.
And I guess there lies my latest lesson. Relationships, I feel, can be of many types - some are created out of habit, some out of situations, and some are relationships of the soul. While the first two types of relationships can change with time and experiences, the third will never change. How many of us have friends like that - you could be meeting after ages, but you can pick up right where you left off.
And therein, I think, lies the secret of giving (and having) space in our relationships. If it is a true bonding of the souls, we won't drift apart. We'll (having been enriched by our learnings and experiences) only enrich the relationship more.
Hmmm....
Friday, January 19, 2007
Hello world!
Another day, another blog is created :-). Will it connect, will it make me friends, will it entertain...for me to try and you to see!
Courtesies first...28 year old, female technical writer, living in the fiesty city of Bombay (sue me for still calling it that!!). Happily married for over six years now, and still loving it (no apologies!!). Confirmed desi, love roadside food, can read in my sleep, and am happiest when setting out to travel...'nuff said!
Have always been reticent about writing - though writers and their creations have probably been my greatest preoccupations. Guess I kept waiting for something unique to say...then I grew up :-). It's all been done already, hasn't it...thought of, said, explained, lived. So now I've decided to still go ahead and say things...in my own words. Hoping I'll connect with like-minded souls and engage in some mind-broadening (or bending!) exchanges.
Why this particular title? Coz I really believe it. Of course I love my material posessions (flaunt them too ;-)), but everything about and around me that allows me to enjoy it so, has been free.
So that's it for my first foray...for any one who's read so far, thanks for your time! I have a feeling I'm going to find this addictive (if you thought garrulous, you thought right!!)...so will be back soon for sure!
Until then, ciao!
Courtesies first...28 year old, female technical writer, living in the fiesty city of Bombay (sue me for still calling it that!!). Happily married for over six years now, and still loving it (no apologies!!). Confirmed desi, love roadside food, can read in my sleep, and am happiest when setting out to travel...'nuff said!
Have always been reticent about writing - though writers and their creations have probably been my greatest preoccupations. Guess I kept waiting for something unique to say...then I grew up :-). It's all been done already, hasn't it...thought of, said, explained, lived. So now I've decided to still go ahead and say things...in my own words. Hoping I'll connect with like-minded souls and engage in some mind-broadening (or bending!) exchanges.
Why this particular title? Coz I really believe it. Of course I love my material posessions (flaunt them too ;-)), but everything about and around me that allows me to enjoy it so, has been free.
So that's it for my first foray...for any one who's read so far, thanks for your time! I have a feeling I'm going to find this addictive (if you thought garrulous, you thought right!!)...so will be back soon for sure!
Until then, ciao!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)